Are you currently healing from narcissistic abuse? Struggling to find peace? To find a way forward? To get your mind and body back on track? This one’s for you….

Healing from narcissistic abuse can leave you feeling unheard, lost and unable to cope with tasks of daily living. It can be hard! The most important thing to remember however is that there are always things you can do to help yourself. Most of them small but powerful.

Obviously each person’s pathway to recovery and moving forward is unique but the below tips are things that you may wish to consider on your own journey…

Give yourself permission to actually feel your feelings

This one is powerful as it encourages self-compassion and allows you to honour your own experiences. Whatever you are feeling, allow it, never deny it. When on a healing journey, all feelings are valid and deserve to be welcomed and explored for the messages they offer. These messages are cues as to what still needs to be worked on.

Set time limits for releasing any sadness

Following on from giving yourself permission to feel, this one relates to balancing time spent feeling sad, stuck and demotivated, for example, and time spent continuing to live and actually enjoying life.  Both focusing on your devastating experience of abuse and holding space for a positive future are important but if we spend too much time feeling sorry for ourselves it can be really difficult to dig ourselves out of a dark hole. So, set a limit for your sadness… let yourself cry for a defined period of time and then get up and get going again.

Do the opposite

This strategy is exactly as it reads… do the opposite. Designed to change your emotional state and help you get out of a persistent ‘funk’, doing the opposite is somewhat of a circuit breaker.  This technique involves doing the opposite of whatever you normally do to try and cope with difficult or overwhelming emotions. Normally shutdown and isolate yourself? Connect with people, engage and be interested in having conversations. Often get angry and scream at people to let off steam? Smile, talk calmly and breathe your way through the emotions. This strategy is designed to bring temporary relief from feeling stuck and overwhelmed as it helps you to regulate your emotions in a moment. It is not intended to be a long term way to approach recovery from narcissistic abuse.

Connect with the right people

Remember this one thing…  healing rarely happens in isolation! We are biologically wired to need people and experiencing narcissistic abuse can lead us to withdraw and have issues trusting people. But good people will help you make your comeback, to find purpose and hope again, to plan for the future and to reignite your spark for life. Pick your people carefully, let them prove themselves as being trustworthy and compassionate and then enjoy your connection and all it brings you.

Start journaling

Research has found time and time again that journaling is good for mental health (jump on Google Scholar if you would like to explore academic research further). From fostering mindfulness to helping release and process emotions to enhancing self-awareness, journaling is an inexpensive way to jump straight into doing the work. By paying particular attention to gratitude in your writing, your spirits will be lifted and you will be reminded that there is more to life than the narcissistic abuse you went through.

Set some small goals

Setting goals is a great way to remain focussed on what you wish to accomplish when healing from narcissistic abuse. On days when things are tough, having goals will distract you from emotional pain. On days where you feel stronger and more empowered, goals will allow you to capitalise on your emotional energy such that you can achieve anything you set your mind to! Consider S.M.A.R.T. goals (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Timely) or H.E.A.R.T. goals (Have an intention, Embody masculine and feminine energy, Align with your heart, mind and soul, Require disruption from the everyday, Take action and commit) and use them to shift your focus to the future.

Review your diet

One of the best ways to improve your mental health is to look at your diet. There is absolutely truth in the saying ‘Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food’. Things to consider are reducing sugar consumption, eating balanced meals including protein, fibre and healthy fats, ensuring you eat consistently throughout the day to maintain stable blood sugar levels (which helps moderate mood highs and lows) and eating enough nutrient dense fruits and vegetables. Food and mood are directly related and when extra psychological demands are placed on the mind when healing from narcissistic abuse, more fuel is needed by the body. Alongside this you may wish to engage the help of a nutritionist who can create a tailored support plan for you.

Form healthy sleep habits

Good sleep is vital to human health. It’s our time to ‘rest and digest’, to lay down memories, to heal and repair the body and to just switch off from the world for a while. When tired and exhausted it’s harder to regulate our emotions and this can lead to difficulties with ourselves and in our interactions with others. Humans thrive on routine so establishing good sleep patterns are essential. These may include going to bed and waking at the same time each day, not using electronic devices in the bedroom, reading before bed to slow the mind and ensuring you have a cool and comfortable place to sleep each night. Also, invest in a good quality mattress, your body and mind will thank you.

Take a look at your home environment

Our home environment has a huge impact on the way we feel. They say ‘clutter in the space is clutter in the mind’ and it’s true. Mess and excessive stuff is overwhelming, so consider having a big clean up, selling what you no longer need/use/love and organising what remains. When the home is organised life always feels just a little easier. Also, consider room styling, layout of your furniture, access to natural lighting and addressing any dampness in your home as these things can impact the way you feel when in particular spaces in your home. Remember, your home should be your sanctuary and not another source of stress. None of these things need to be expensive or difficult, simple changes are often the most impactful.

Move your body

Exercise is one of the fastest ways to improve your mood! When you exercise the body produces endorphins, the feel good hormones that reduce stress, relieve pain and improve your overall sense of wellbeing. You may wish to choose low impact movement such as yoga, swimming or walking, or higher impact movement such as cardio classes, lifting weights or team sports. Whatever you choose, make sure it’s appropriate for your level of physical health and fitness and always get professional support from medics and trainers if you need it.

Bonus TIP… find a good counsellor!

A well trained, skilled and experienced registered counsellor can help you with loads of different things when you’re healing from narcissistic abuse. From validating you and your experiences, helping you process trauma, to finding healthy and adaptive coping skills and helping you reimagine and plan your future, a good counsellor can be one of the most useful tools in your recovery toolbox.

So there you have it… 10 Ways To Kickstart Your Recovery After Narcissistic Abuse.

 I hope you found this article helpful and that you can take away from it a few ideas to get you feeling more in control and empowered as you work through your story.

For more support you can;

• Subscribe to my monthly newsletter full of mental health tips and tricks
• Access the free resource library
• Explore other articles on the blog
• Or of course, reach out and book in to start your therapy journey with She Counselling today. Sessions are available in in office, via phone and video platforms or in the great outdoors via walk and talk therapy.

Until next time…

Yours in better mental health,