Let me guess…. you think you’re crazy? You desperately google his behaviour wanting to know what on earth is going on in your relationship? Google spits out "Relationship With A Narcissist"...
...and now you've had your very own insanely intense lightbulb moment of awakening?
Oh yes, don’t I remember that glorious moment in my own life!
Rejoice! Obviously not at the horror of the situation, but at the fact that you are now armed with an explanation for what you are living.
You are not crazy. Stupid. Weak or anything else. You are being abused at the hands of a highly dysfunctional, toxic human being. And... for a sprinkling of validation... yes, you are having a totally normal response to totally abnormal behaviour!
Leaving a narcissist is hard but, staying is even harder.
If you choose to stay in a relationship with a narcissist, here is what you will be forced to accept;
- They are superior to you, and don’t you forget it.
- Their needs will always trump yours, no matter what they are.
- You are merely ‘supply’ to them. When you no longer have anything to ‘offer’ them you will be discarded.
- You will never receive an apology from them, unless of course it serves them to apologise.
- Your compassion, tears, logic or shouting will never change them.
- You will learn not to rely on them. They do what they want, when they want.
- They will never have your back, even when you have theirs.
- You will be treated in ways you never thought possible.
- There will be lies. Lies. And more lies, regardless of fact or evidence. You present evidence they will present you with more lies.
- You will never be good enough because the goal posts will forever move.
- You will be compared and triangulated until your self-confidence is nil.
- It is likely that you will stoop to your own new personal lows. That is, all your standards will erode under the manipulation of this person.
- There will be times when you cry yourself to sleep of a night. Many, many times.
- You will step out of yourself and terrifyingly look back and not even recognise yourself. Self-doubt will become your new normal. Doubt in general will become your new normal.
- You will be criticised, labelled, judged and shamed. And you will be required to take it. But dare do it back and you will face rage.
- Child-like tantrums will abound.
- You will be manipulated into thinking you should do more, be more, give more, have more and yes, ‘put out’ more. Sexual control will be just one of their psychological weapons of choice.
- Every special day will likely be ruined by the narcissist. Holidays, anniversaries, birthdays. Essentially any day that brings YOU happiness and diverts attention from the narcissist, will be destroyed.
- Your achievements will mean nothing. At worst they will be ignored and at best they will be minimised, downplayed and ripped apart. Instead of inspiration, they will spark jealously in the narcissist.
- You will become a shell of your former self, day by miserable day.
And finally, an unofficial 21.
Every part of your subconscious will be telling you to RUN FOR THE HILLS. You’ll be anxious, unable to sleep, restless, overly sad and often unable to get out of bed. You’ll likely have situational depression and no longer find the fun in anything in life. And no, they will not be there to comfort you.
So there you have it… 20 Things To Expect In A Relationship With A Narcissist.
If you are in a relationship with a narcissist, I implore you to think long and hard about whether staying in the relationship is the right thing for YOU.
Narcissists rarely change because at the root of their disorder they fundamentally believe there is nothing wrong with them. Therefore, they will rarely put themselves in a therapist’s chair.
Obviously I am a mental health counsellor and not in the business of ‘telling people what to do’ but I am also a survivor with many years of lived experience. That side of me wants you to know that the person making you ‘sick’ can never be the person to make you ‘better’.
If you’d like to connect with me and find out how I might be able to support you, please feel free to reach out here. I offer sessions in office, in the great outdoors, over the phone or on a video platform. My services are available Australia wide.
Before you go you may like to check out these articles;
Until next week…
Yours in better mental health,
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Erica has a passion for Women’s Health. She works with women who want to be heard, supported and empowered! Erica is a survivor of many life experiences. A Mum. A travel lover. A green thumb in training and an eternal optimist!